Here we go...

So today is the first day of my 2 week pre-op diet. My surgery date was confirmed for July 12th and that is 2 (omfg!) weeks from today. This diet is to shrink my liver to make my stomach parts more easily accessible. I'm 3 hours into it and I'm STARVING. SlimFast for breakfast, a piece of fruit for snack, SlimFast for lunch, and a sandwich on diet bread for dinner. mmmmm...satisfying. I'm really ok with it - I just wish my stomach was already smaller so that I wouldn't be hungry and counting the minutes until my next snack!

Happily, today is also J's first day of summer school. One week out of school and my nerves were already shot. She's the kind of kid who needs to be entertained all. the. time. If not, she will provoke whoever is around her and her entertainment comes from watching their reaction. Her little brother, L, is going to need some serious therapy to get over his early childhood abuse at the hands of J.

Alright - off to have my medium orange...

omg. this is really happening

I just received a phone call from my surgeon's office. I have been approved by my insurance company for gastric bypass surgery! I am so excited/nervous I can't believe this is really happening. I know that it's irrational to believe that my life will be better when I lose weight. People who say this are the same people who say that money doesn't buy happiness. I say, if I were thin and rich, I would be happier and my life would be better. Seriously - fat and broke isn't exactly inspirational.

I love my family, my hubs is very supportive of the surgery (why wouldn't he be - he's got the prospects of having a smoking hot wife) and my extended family is great. Hell, my dad will be the only person in my family NOT to have weight loss surgery after I get mine... genetics, perhaps??? I don't think I'll tell the kiddos. J is 6 yrs old and a total worry wart. L won't care - he's 3, almost 4 and if I am not a dinosaur or a car, I don't exist. j is my 16 mo old. We might have a heart-to-heart. She's a fantastic confidant.

They gave me the tentative date of July 9th for surgery. I guess I need to get my "before" pics snapped soon...

HOLY CRAP!

laziness v. lethargy

It's times like this (Sunday evenings) that the magnitude of my situation can be felt the greatest. Managing 3 kids during the week is made easier with the comfort of a set routine. Weekends, however, are no holds barred contest between myself and my husband for who can be the lazier parent. The good news, for this weekend at least, is that I won. I don't know why, but I feel tremendous guilt when I indulge in a lazy weekend. Maybe it's seeing my husband hustle the kids to and fro. Maybe it's the not waking up until 11am today, only to find that he has taken the kiddos to the park and instead of attacking the pile of gross ketchup-laden plates in the sink, I dedicated an hour and a half practicing "American Girl" on Guitar Hero...uninterrupted.

Sometimes I feel that guilt is just part of the package of being a woman. A man can choose to have a lazy sunday and all is forgiven. There is something off about a woman eschewing her daily chores and indulging herself this precious gift of "me time." I try my damndest not to buy into all the gender roles that feminism has fought so hard to debunk - but I have to admit, it's difficult to ignore the expectation that I will be "on" 24/7/365 and even more difficult to take a day off guilt-free.

So, tomorrow is Monday. My work week begins. Suppose I'll start by scraping ketchup off the plates.

redux

So, after a three year hiatus from this blog, I figured there's enough going on in my life at the present to warrant a little update. To those unaware, I am a thirtysomething mother of 3 with my own trunkload of baggage. I am operating this page on the assumption that those who read these insane mumblings are here for amusement and not insight - as those who do seek clarity to their own life problems will be sorely disappointed if they seek it here.